trying to disappear but you got me wrapped around you

i woke up alone at the crack of dawn and didn’t like how it felt. I rolled over to look at the side of my bed where he belonged, where he had spooned me until i fall asleep. The outline of his body dented the top of my bedspread. I ran my hand over the flattened area. Even though it would have been unlikely because he had vacated my bed several hours ago, i expected to feel his body’s warmth. but the depression that bordered my body was cool to the touch. Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes, it just reminds you that you’re incredibly lonely.

Get up& go

My eyes are itching like mad. I can’t take it any longer.. Why is it that when I scratch I feel better but it’s not good for my eyes cause it’ll get worst? It’s so unfair..

When a mosquito bites it’s best to not scratch so you won’t leave a scar. But you’ll feel so much better if you scratch it. So unfair

I ate a bowl of porridge and I feel so full now! Wtfffff..

I feel fat . Argh.
I’ve done sth finish alredy !!
Damn happy ,:)

Bad to be addicted

Im having my menses & I’m officially addicted to iced milk coffee. This is so bad, it’s horrible..

I can predict having cramps tmr but this doesn’t seem to cut off my addiction. Bloody hell.. And I still have 3/4 left in my bottle awesome max! Not…

How to quit like that!?
Feel like smoking. But it stinks like mad and it’s just SMELLYYY ! Damn.. ;( can’t start or I’ll get addicted.

So. Today I went to fifth avenue to help daddy with his stuff. Cool man.. Having rights to get in someone with high status house! But her son is like totally… *speechless* haha, but pretty place! Totally like sims house. You know.. It’ll be totally shiok if I can live I’m a house that I design

I MUST be fjxking rich.
Woo…..

for u =)

“To live is to risk dying.
To do is to risk failure.
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To cry is to risk appearing soft and sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement or rejection.
To place your ideas, dreams, and desires before people is to risk riducule.
The greatest omission in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing gets nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering, pain and sorrow, but he does not learn, grow, live, or love.
He is only a slave – chained by safety – locked away by fear.
Only a person who is willing to risk, not knowing the results, is alive.”

PMS

HATE YOU PMS!!!!!!!!!! =(

Relations

Meant to be together…. not.

I don’t know!! I’m feeling a mixture of jealousy (maybe just a teeny weeny bit), upset, happy, angry, confused, pissed, revengeful. Sucky.. much?

About different stuffs in life of course.

D told me that a girl likes him, and he only know her for 2 weeks. For me, if I know a guy just for 2 weeks, it’s not enough to let me trust him to not hurt me. Two weeks.. what do you know about that guy? Prolly that D have a brother named __, (I keep thinking abt his periphery of his name but i can’t get to the centre!!) and maybe he’s living in Tamps, and maybe he’s damn tall, and used to be shy, but now full of confidence. Enrolled to MDIS, psychology.. what more? A few exes.. and then?

Sigh. I know I’m his longest r.ship he’ve been through and we could have been together a lot longer, but I opted for the alternative. I was playful, I admit. I don’t know what made me have rights to do so, and overpowering this relationship but everything just went this way

After months, I finally found out that I really love him but it’s all too late. He made up a lie, saying that he’s attached and no longer wanting a second chance for a revival of us. I was upset, heart wrenched to the core but who cares. I cried like hardcore in front of the laptop while talking to mary-ann but nothng seems to cure. at all. It’s my fault, I don’t blame him at all. And thank god he didn’ give me another chance. Who knew if I could really stablize that relationship? or if I could really cherish him much more than I was with him? I don’t know. Noone knows, but it’s all over.

I still feel for him sometimes because we had loads of things happening together, and that our first-s were given to each other. Well, most of them. Mummy was very pleased and had a very good impression of D, and we even went out several times tgt as a family. He’s v sweet to always bring tissue bcuz he knows that I perspire easily and that I don’t bring them out

During the days when we’re together, I never really made things official. I didn’t like everyone knowing I had a bf. I preferred it low profile. We didn’t go out, and that’s really a pity.. he’s very tall btw! Standing like 1.84cm tall, with a 1.57cm short girl? You wonder how we even kiss. Haha we sit and kiss LOL.

Anyways he was the only guy that made me felt like I was irreplaceable.. I could still recall when he stood behind me at the stairs hugging me as we look down at kids playing at the playground. I felt his breathing at the tip of my head, and warm arms around my waist. Felt much like daddy love, yet not. I told him about having 2 boys if we ever got married. HAHA and I still want two boys

Memories with him will definitely not fade away because he was my very first. If given a chance to be with him for a second try, maybe i would.

but I would not forsake the one I am with now for him.. because the one Im with now is… even more irreplaceable.

Sometimes I wonder why God send me guys who are so devoted to me. What is he testing me? I can’t stand guys who are too sticky to me yet I got them in my ands. I can’t stand guys who are not my standard yet I get them.

I don’t always get what I want in terms of appearance, but for character wise, i’ll rate these 2 guys a hundred and one percent

Love?

Honestly, I miss having a crush on anyone. Somebody who’s special enough to make my heart beat faster, someone who is able to make me stumble on words as i speak, someone who i always crave to look at, someone who i would smile when i see this special someone.

my eyecandy? no longer my eyecandy anymore. I’ve got to find another, thanks to some one. but it’s okay, doesn’t matter anyway.

Kenny got himself a new girlfriend! Super happy for him hehehe she’s rather cute but sadly quite act cute lol. i’d prefer her natural cuteness rather than what she is now.. mmh. but at this age, nothing lasts. and he’s judgmental in a way.. so, just hope he’s having fun and enjoying his time with her! Took him some time to find what he really wants heh. ‘ve never been in love with him manz… i don’t know why people think that way. but whatever.

So I read sh’s blog and I still feel so sad for her. How can you live without someone you that you thought he’s your forever-guy? How can you bear to see him with another girl at his own bday party flirting with each other just right in front of ur eyes? It’s so tough yet you’ve got to go through this. It’s not easy to forget about all these.. I wonder how that guy did it. Was he not serious in the first place or?

Damn, the more i think about it, the more i think that this kind of guys sucks. I can’t help but to think further, but I secretly hope that she’s fine and that she’s not hurt literally…

There are just so many different kinds of guys that I can’t place them all together and stereo type them. Guys don’t hurt all girls. Like stanley, like kenny. Sigh. Sometimes being so in love with somebody sucks, because you rely and depend on that person too much, then you realize that you can’t let go at all. Even if there is no feel, you cant let go becuz you’re accustomed to his presence.

Fucking skin problems, why won’t you heal. I rly dont know what to do with my fucking face :c I’ve been washing and putting skin care products but wtf… i see nothing. upset. who the fuck has my kind of skin at my age man. :’(

I feel so ugly, fat, and everything negative. Fuck it la :c pimples hurt. so does comments.

whywhy…..

Camwhore!

Okay but no, not all peektures are going to be up here, maybe one by one! ^^

Anyways, I’m starting to feel very negative about school, and about the friends that i’m going to have and going to face. Actually I’m very glad that both Hazel and Flinda is in my course.. somehow.

After the other day when I talked to Hazel, it’s like we’re pouring to each other how we felt exactly for the past few years. I don’t really understand why, but I really felt very very much in ease after that, and I’ve learnt several things from what she’ve said. Like, Never to trust anyone in the entire world, but yourself.

I mean, I knew about that quite long ago but I never believed in that phrase. I thought I could trust who I am trusting, but apparently not. I got to realize who are the people who are really not trustable. Though we’re still awesome friends, but I know who to tell my things to and who to not. Goodfriends? Of course we still can be. Just not the trustable or reliable ones..

B, I really admire you, and I really like talking to you. It’s not the love-like, but the idol-kind-of-like. I really thank god I got to know you! ^^

Sigh, friends.
Hard to find, and hard to keep equally.
Life… this is what your primary influence is.

Fecked.

That day at Cityhall

Mosque at Arab Street

Part of the Mosque

We were out under the super glaring sun..

My favourite pair of shoes ^^

Rest of the pictures are all uploaded on Facebook, thanks to Janelle

I’ve learnt to not care about what others are doing, and concentrate on my own. It’s pointless to feel anything for them, just have to do what you are capable of doing. And being a friend, you should not be jealous, and nope I’m not.

So I had an argument with Stanley today, a really bad one.
I was fucked up, so was he. I was rushing through my APEL assignment because it’s already due but I forgot about it, so yea. And apparently he thinks that I still talk to kenny, which I don’t already!! What the feck.. Unreasonable much?

Kk, the earlier part of my day was better.
School sucks but whatever. I felt so fake for a period of time today.

Met Janelle & Rebecca for bugis + arab street.
Awesomeness. I love both of them!! A pity that Abs didn’t reply so she could join us.
Got those rhinestones needed, and I got black beads hehe.
I’m intending to get a gray pencilcase, deco with beads and commando tag ^^

Camwhored at the MRT station’s platform. Hehe.
I’m beginning to love my hair even more.

what. can. i. do? :(

tell me what’s with me.

HAHHA bleddy cute!
this made my day!

sigh. anyways i’m feeling rather upset right now. feck. why and how can this be. i’ve actually nothing to be upset about. my parents are awesome to me, there’s no reason for me to complain. and even though i know i missed out today;s outing, i’m very glad i helped daddy today.. i feel so much closer to him whenever i help him and he always updates me with news around the world because he’s a news freak.

and mummy, i really wish to help her.
kelly’s doing very very badly for her examinations. like failing english and math, getting borderline for the rest. and she’s just primary4. is the school’s standard getting higher and higher or she just can’t do it? i really pity her. and i know she’s going through stress and stuffs, but maybe xav and i didn’t have much of these problems because we were ‘trained’ to do work in an organized way but not kelly.

i really pray that kelly’s work would improve so that mummy won’t have to worry so much. i want to do something for the family but i just don’t know what.. i feel like a free loader of the family. what. can. i. do.

really got to work hard already. no more playing

sigh. i miss my relaxed life.
slr, im coming for you baby (:
i’ll name you .. i’ve yet to think a name for u!